PoeticPundit

Rhymes for Orange & Other High-Tech Stuff

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When  writing a poem it's handy to have a rhyming dictionary (like Poetry.Com) on the screen beside your document. Click on "Need help rhyming?" and it will not only find rhymes for a particular word but synonyms and definitions, too. If you can't find a rhyme for "politics" there are plenty of rhymes for "affairs of state." But sometimes you can actually rhyme unrhymable words, as shown in the tutorial.

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evilcomputer.jpg

nyanyanyanya.jpg
programmed right in you.
 
 
 
 
Cursed electronic demon! I have failed. Thanks a zillion.
(Did your industry pay Bill Gates 50 billion?)
 
$
 
Note that "You'd prefer some cute chick" is inaccurate because my computer is obviously female.  She's maddening, illogical, self-centered, and petulant , and she's impossible to get out of my mind no matter how hard I try.
 
 
 
 

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The Plot  of the Computer Thickens

 

Sorry I’ve been missing for lo! these many moons.

Blame my absence on my cursed Ms. Computer

She threw a temper tantrum like a dozen crazed baboons

and destroyed her hard drive – I really longed to shoot ‘er.

Got that replaced but I had now lost every file on it.

Been replacing business files –but phooey! darn! doggone it!

I can’t restore my website. “Trellix Web’s” now unavailable;

Had to find a brand new program and start anew,  from scratch

with a new site building program (I hope it’s unassailable),

but the coup de grace could send  me to the booby hatch.

Oh the felony of that cybernetic female:

Outlook Explorer broke! It brought IN spam in crates

but refused to send OUT a single e-mail.

O.E.? That’s Microsoft! So I telephoned Bill Gates

(or some guy in his office). Got no real answer.

 “Not our problem. Call the guys who built the hardware,”

he said (that darn tap dancer!)

DELL said “We’ll fix it but you’ll have to pay the starred share -

$99 for one fix.” So I just said “Forget it.

I bet’cha I can fix it with no mad stress.”

Fixed it myself, ha! ha! Now DELL can just regret it.

(“Fixing it” meant getting a new mail address.)

Then I glared at my computer and said “I shall avenge

thy manifold sins and wickedness!” I switched Anti-Virus OFF.

By that single simple action I have taken my revenge -

I’m so clever! heh heh heh! cough! cough! cough!

Vengeance is sweet! May the future now preserve it.

Now when she gets a virus, she’ll deserve it.

 

RhymeCon

 

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Protonic Saves the Day

 

If you met a guy who built ships in a bottle

and you asked “How’ja do it?” he’d open the throttle

and explain all about it – he’d reveal every detail

and he’d ask not a dime, neither wholesale nor retail.

 

How to explain such generosity?

To what selfish purpose all that verbacity?

He did not act aloof or try to be snobby;

he bared his whole soul because it’s HIS HOBBY.

 

For a website tech question – (I just had no clue – )

I messaged protonic.com : fast free technical support "What the heck should I do?"

Volunteer Gareth McCumskey bestowed the solution.

I owe my whole sanity to his contribution.

 

So if your computer is as evil as mine is,

and you haven't a clue as to what the design is,

Fear not! Dry your tears. For you know your life line is

Protonic! It's their hobby! They're free as cloud nine is.

 

RhymeCon

 

Poetry.com lists obvious rhymes like "mine" & "design," but it also lists groups of words like "life line" & "cloud nine" which at first I thought was kind of silly. But if you're stuck for a rhyme those phrases can often give you ideas you hadn't thought of, and that's exactly how I thought of those phrases in the above poem.

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oranges.jpg

 
Ain't got no degree in English Lit. I are a injuneer,
but a rhyme is a rhyme as long as if it  just sounds like a rhyme to my ear.
They say ORANGE is the paradigm
of all words what ain't got no rhyme,
so they say.
But -

The rancher fenced in some more range,
then wolfed down beef stew with an ORANGE.
Said the cook, "I'm not merry
with a fire on the prairie;
I'd much rather cook on a store range."
    or
The fruit she brought in the door, ranges
from lemons  to grapefruit to ORANGES.

 But now let's try something completely different.

RHYMING ORANGE BY DOUBLE RHYMES

The Bob4 Unabashed Dictionary says
Rhyme (noun) A couple of syllables or groups of syl's. that just plain sound like a rhyme.

Dr. Huffenpugh, Prof. of English Lit., has a different definition. He says that two rhyming sounds must start with stressed (or accented) syllables, each beginning with a different sound (a vowel with a consonant or else two different consonants), followed by any  number of sounds THAT ARE IDENTICAL.
     Such as: Rhyme rhymes with Time.
     Rhyming rhymes with Timing.
     Rhymingly rhymes with Timingly.
     Rhyminglyexpealidoscious rhymes with  - well anyway, take it from there.

Sorry, Professor, but your DEFINITION is DEFICIENT.  I know in my heart that those following sounds DO NOT HAVE TO BE IDENTICAL as long as they themselves rhyme. A bad hair day = “The sad girl had a bad curl.” It's a snappy  rhyme isn't it?  But to meet the professor's definition it doesn't  rhyme unless it's something like "A bad girl is a sad girl" and that sounds much more boring to my ear.
 
In about the second grade (when “church” was not considered a dirty word in public schools) we sang a pleasant little song that rhymed “Oh come to the church in the wildwood” with “No place is so dear to my childhood.” Note that you'd need a word like Wildhood or Childwood to meet the prof's definition but it sure sounds like a perfect rhyme to me. The first syllables rhyme and the second syllables rhyme; I'll call this a Double Rhyme.

I've looked through some poetry anthologies and found  very few examples of double rhymes.  In "Like the Idalion Queen" William Drummond formed a rhyme by calling “fair flowers” his “paramours.”
 
And  for another example, here's a 4 century old poem that rhymes "woo thee" with "unto me". Click (and then press BACK button) for the entire poem because there's something really interesting about it.
 
 And in a not-so-good example, in "The Charge of the Light Brigade" Alfred Lord Tennyson rhymed "Half a league onward" with "rode the six hundred." "-Ward" isn't identical to "-dred" but at least they sound KIND OF like a rhyme. I suspect the reason people accept such a bad rhyme in one of the best known poems by the poet laureate of England, knighted by Queen Victoria, is that the FIRST syllables, "hun-" and "on" rhyme (within normal vowel variations).
 
So what's all this got to do with oranges? Well,

The plumber installed a floor flange,
Then gobbled his hot dog and orange.
     (that's a type of pipe fitting).

The carpenter oiled the door hinge,
Then gobbled his sandwich and orange.

The traveler rowed down the Dordogne
To eat crepe suzette  and an orange.
     (a river in France, pronounced Dordenje)

The doctor prescribed Ascorbenge
Then drank his Champaign with an orange.
     (a medical word I just made up. The RhymeCon rhyming theorem states "If you can't find a word that rhymes,  just invent one.")

Now, if you're a rhymer think of all you can do with double rhymes. Could you find rhymes for graveyard or midnight or gourmets? Of course! Click and then come BACK and I'll see you right here in a couple of minutes.
 
 ALLITERATION & ASSONANCE

Hey, that bunch of B's was also a ridiculous example of alliteration, a repetition of a consonant to get a special effect. For a far better example how about this really neat line from Poe's The Raven: "And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain thrilled me -."  I could use a "j" sound as the consonant and make up a line about "Where the ORANGE Ganges discharges her silt." A repetition of vowel sounds, like "The awful ORANGE of the owls," whatever that means, is called assonance. But I searched some poetry books without finding a single example. Can anyone out there help me?
 
 
But alliteration is sometimes considered to be a rhyme of a different kind. And if used well, it can add a lot to a poem.
 
TRIPLE RHYMES?
Well, why not? I even have an example, rhyming "learn to be" with "eternity" (Click) but if you don't come BACK to this spot you'll hurt my feelings).
And here's something kind of interesting. I wanted to use the word eternity so  at first I tried rhyming it with maternity but it sounded flat and it took me a while to figure out why. I was rhyming -ternity with -ternity which isn't a rhyme; it's an identity. This isn't just a rule some guy made up. RhymeCon's theorem states: A good rhyme sparkles to the ear. A bad rhyme just kinda lies there flat.

FINGERNAILS- ON- THE- CHALKBOARD RHYMES

"Baby bear, instead of porridge, asked momma and pappa for an ORANGE" is just a bad rhyme. To me it sounds plain sloppy. I know that bad rhymes, masquerading as "near" rhymes, are in fashion today, but not with me. (Still let's be happy not everybody thinks like me.)
 
RHYMING ORANGE WITH PROPER NAMES

To find a rhyme- (have you no shame?) - just make up a proper name.
Want to rhyme “forthwith?” (probably not, but) just name somebody Smith.

No less a poetry giant than Sir Walter Scott rhymed “backward turn” with “Kilchurn” without even saying what or who Kilchurn was.
So why can't I say “Mrs. Forange ate an ORANGE?” (except it sounds boring).
Better might be

“Monsieur Pierre LeFranje
tasted his first ORANGE.
When asked in great haste
“Tell us, how does it taste?”
he replied “It tastes  rahther strange.”

(I'm cheating. By forcing the stress onto the 2nd syllable I've essentially invented a new word, rhymingwise.)

Click for a (not very good) example of seven proper names used as rhymes, and most of them even sound phony. then click BACK to Oranges and I'll see you here.
 
Now about that rule that rhyming sounds must begin with a stressed syllable, here's a trick that can add a huge number of good rhymes to your repertoire. Some words of three syllables or more can have more than one stressed syllable. And most rhyming dictionaries don't take full advantage of this fact. ORANGE has but two syllables with the stress on OR. But ORANGES has three syllables, stressed on the OR but with a secondary stress on the GES - just say it aloud! The word radishes has a secondary stress on the last syllable. "An excellent breakfast is ORANGES cooked up with a half dozen radishes."  See? It rhymes, though I won't guarantee the recipe. But for more examples  click and then click BACK to return to this spot.
 
INTERNAL RHYMES
 
I usually think of rhymes as coming at the end of a line or the end of a word. But there are also internal rhymes.
"Oh, strange is the ORANGE you painted your house - " (See? oh, strange and ORANGE-). That might be a good first line for a poem and I don't plan to use it so you're welcome to it. (Send it in if you'd like.) Here's a line I invented : "We sat down in the dust and our eyes met two rusty hooks on the wall near the ceiling." The rhyming syllables are dust and rust but the're not at the end of the line and rust isn't even at the end of a word! I like rhymes like this because they keep the momentum going and you don't have to stop and pause after every rhyme.
Click and then return for another example.

Well, I just like creepy stories. But here's one that was almost true and I thank God that it wasn't. Two words - Ghastliest and Blasphemy - seem to tell the whole story and they work well together because the FIRST syllables rhyme. Click and then return to ORANGES.

NEWS FLASH
Shirley, from Alaska, a.k.a. "Sooth" in the Boiling Pot Groups website  whose favorite animal is the moose(s) (although my family's two cats and two dogs are plenty for me) sent me this:

Orange, Alaskan-style
Sum forty miles south of Ank'rje
Therez'a glacier by name of Por'tje
If yor upen alive
Wanton a drive
Make shoren take long n or'nje

Thanks, Soothie, and maybe it shows you can come up with some weird rhymes in regional or ethnic dialect. Scottish poet  Robert Burns, in To a Mouse wrote  "The best laid schemes o' mice and men gang aft agley, And leave us naught but grief and pain for promised joy."

LAST POEM
Thanks for visitting and I'd really appreciate an e-mail note with your comments and suggestions. But poems don't have to rhyme, though a skillfully used rhyme is one of poetry's most appealing gimmicks. For one last poem, without rhyme but giving my opinion about some modern poetry, click.
 
Faux Prof. RhymeCon

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There's a special magic about Mark Little.
 
He's my son and that makes him special. And he's your Daddy and that certainly makes him special. But there's a special magic about him that you won't find in all sons or all Daddies, and if I tell you something about him, maybe we can figure out just what his magic is all about.
 
He was a quiet and thoughtful little boy. Not the type that would organize a softball game, but the type that would learn his school lessons with ease.
 
He was thrilled when he brought home from the first grade a small book his teacher, Mrs. Shaffer, had made for him and his classmates. It was made of two small sheets of paper stapled together to make eight pages, and she had DITTO'D (that was an old-fashioned way of making copies) some drawings of a rabbit and a simple little story and the name of the booklet was "The Rabbit Ran." There were only about a dozen different words in the story.
 
But the important thing was: Mark could read it all by himself. And he's been reading ever since.
 
He was born in Deasrborn, Michigan, on July 21, 1961, and we moved to Mansfield, Ohio when he was five. We lived in a three-bedroom house on Yorkwood Road, but later finished the basement and that's where Mark had his bedroom.
 
Mark and his brothers, your Uncle Steve and Uncle Dave, all liked music. For years we bought season tickets to the Mansfield Symphony concerts at Malabar High School, three blocks from our home.
 
Mark and Steve took piano lessons. Later, Mark took violin lessons and played in the orchestra at Appleseed Junior high school and then at Malabar High school, and when he was in college eh taught himself to play the classical guitar.
 
Steve quit taking piano lessons because he got bored with the simple little pieces, but later he taught himself to play the piano, and taught himself very well.In high school he played slide trombone in the marching band,
 
Dave took only a few lessons, but taught himself to play the acoustic guitar and electric guitar. Then he got a good buy on a used keyboard and brought friends out to the house to jam with soft rock music.
 
All three boys went to Mansfield's Ranchwood Elementary School. It was a nice neighborhood and a number of the boys' friends were sons of doctors.
 
Mark always liked poetry. In about the second grade he learned about pollution; that was in the 'sixties when Americans were just beginning to talk a lot about the environment. His class was assigned to write about pollution, so Mark wrotehis very first poem:
 
         "Polution is bad. Pollution we have had.
         Now we have too much, and soon we can't do
         such a thing as living."
 
They built a new shopping mall, Richlan Mall, west of Mansfield, and it had a sunken lounge with benches for resting. Next to the lounge was a pet store, and the boys always insisted on stopping there to look at the pets. One day as we rested in the lounge Mark and Steve (Dave was too young) borrowed some pencils and used the blank side of some adverising papers andbegan drawing pictures of rabbits. They told us there was a prize for the best drawing.
 
Then we looked at Doktor's Pet Store. It was nearly Easter, and in the window was a sign "DRAWING FOR A FREE RABBIT."
 
I about the second grade Mark learned about the Americn Indians, He really got interested, and began making Indian drums and peace pipes. I told him about flint arrowheads, and that people are still finding them today. Later that day I found him digging a hole in the back yard. He was confident he was going to find some arrowheads,
 
All three of the boys went through the Cub Scouts (you had to be eight to join) and Boy Scouts (you had to be eleven). The Cubs were organized as Pack 107 and met at Ranchwood School. For seven years, from the time Marked jopined the cubs until Dave went up to Scouts, I was the Cubmaster, and for much of that time their mother was a Den Mother.
 
Cub Scouts age eight and nine were considered too young to go camping in the wilds. Bit the rules permitted them to have sleepouts in someone's back yard, if there were parents and telephones available. I think those eight-year-olds were too young, for when the pack had a sleepout in a Den Mother's yard some of them brought their teddy bears as sleeping partners.
 
But ten-year-old Cubs were eligible to join a Webelos den to help them get ready for Boy Scouts. They could go camping in the wilds if they had plenty of adults along. Once our Webelos Den camped out at the Boy Scout camp - seven boys, all with their fathers.  Scott Young's dad was a doctor with a family practice. Brad Banko's dad was a pediatrician. Greg Auchard's dad was a bone specialist. Alan Lindquist's dad was a pathologist. Keith Kine's dad was a dentist. Jeff Jolley's dad, and Mark's dad, were the only two that were not in the medical field. We joked about having plenty of medical help in case of an accident.
 
When Mark joined Boy Scouts he was small for his age. That alway bothered him a lot, and having the last name of "Little" didn't help matters, either.
 
Some of the older scouts were making plans to go backpacking at Philmont Scout Ranch in New Mexico. Bruce Drushel, who had hiked Philmont the year before, was giving a talk to the troop, and told them "If you're in good shape it will be easy, but if you're not in good shape it will be pretty tought. And if you're like Markey Little, well, I don't think you should go to Philmont at all." There was laughter. For years Mark resented that cut-down. He made up his mind that, when he'd hike Philmont, he'd be out in front of the whole troop.
 
Love,